Copied from dA

Hey guys. I know that GO FISH is "technically" back and I missed last week's update and I'm probably going to miss this week's update unless something really knocks me out of this funk.

However, I think I may have reached a new point in my life. This isn't going to be a surprise to anyone, I don't believe, but it feels good to come out. Not that I plan to use it as an excuse or a crutch, but it helps me cope and learn.

I may actually have a problem with depression.

There, I said it.

I thought that depression meant being sad all of the time, or having something to really be upset about, or something like that. I figured everything I was feeling and experiencing was normal and that other people were just better at handling it. I thought maybe I just had a hormone issue because these feelings seemed to coincide and increase in severity at a certain time of the month. I figured it was all normal and I was an idiot for not being able to handle it better and THAT was my problem. I know crying at work isn't normal, but it would happen and I'd feel stupid for doing it.

But after speaking with someone I trust, respect and know has the knowledge to make good judgments, I became aware that these feelings I have most of the time (the worthlessness, the irrational embarrassment, thoughts of ending my life, etc) aren't how people go from day to day. "You should be happy most of the time," she said. It sounds good on paper.

And so I plan on getting help. For real this time. I can't imagine what life would be like when feeling so bad is rare, or what liking myself is really like, but I'm excited. I don't know if it will involve medication, and I don't really want it to.

Uhm...I guess in other news, I bought a pink betta...

Sorry if that was LTMI or TL,DR.